Dear Parents,
As my email earlier in the week shared, we lost a very special friend in J3T this week: Katut Blue Joy passed away. To say that I learned a lot through the experience is an understatement... On Wednesday morning, I came into the classroom to discover that Katut was no longer with us; he appeared sick earlier in the week, so it wasn't a shock. I debated what to do: leave him in the classroom so that the children could see him, or take him out to flush him. Thinking that I would be sparing the children something, I took Katut out, said a few words of thanks, and flushed him down the toilet. A point you should note, as it later becomes contentious, is that I flushed him from the women's restroom, in the handicap stall (I wanted the space to say goodbye properly.) As Julian came bounding in the classroom, eager to share his note giving permission to take Katut home, I immediately knew that I made a mistake. "Well, where is he?" Julian asked, as his face dropped. "Let's Talk about it when everyone is here." During morning meeting, I shared the news. "HOW COULD YOU FLUSH A BOY FISH DOWN A GIRL'S TOILET!!!" Leo proclaimed. "He should be buried in the garden, with a casket and a proper funeral!" Alexandra affirmed. "He was such a good fish!" Christian said, as he consoled Maxime. "We need to do something for him! We need a service!" the rest of the class agreed. I told the children about the Balinese grief process when someone dies, that includes alerting the gods to the deceased's passage, honouring the gods for giving the life in the first place, mourning the individual, making amends for any wrong-doings, sending the individual off, and then celebrating the life and asking the gods to support those who are left behind. The children asked if we could have our own version of the Balinese process, and I agreed. The boys were sure to let me know that I should be grateful for the process, because I needed to make amends for flushing away our precious fish. So when the children went off to short play, I immediately set to work organizing a memorial service for Katut. A cookie order was placed, and I searched my music collection for the best music possible to say goodbye to a fish. At the end of the day, we gathered in a circle and each child said one thing about Katut. I was honestly deeply moved by what the children had to say about our fish. Through many tears, we had a lovely ceremony. Though they (Finn) were worried that he would be upset that he wasn't buried in the garden, or at least set off to sea via the East River, the children seemed to find some peace through the ceremony. Here are a few things said that stood out to me: "When I first moved here, it was really hard, so anytime I was angry or upset, I could just look over at Katut to see him swimming, and it was like he told me: It's all going to be okay!" "When I get anxious, watching Katut calms me down." "I felt like Katut could listen to me, and hear my thoughts." "Katut is also quiet." "When I moved here, I didn't think I fit in, and then you let me have the job of feeding Katut. That made me feel special, and I started to belong and be needed." "Katut was magical! All that blue and purple, and sometimes, when you look just right, you can see his beautiful green." The children took time to create a memorial to Katut, and on Thursday, we had violins and bongos brought in to honour our Beta Fish. Alexandra and Anthony played the violin, and then Dylan played the bongos and sang a beautiful song about the circle of life. Emilie Shared a story about her fish that passed away, and a few others shared about losses they have had. It's Friday now, everyone is off to their spring break destinations, and I am about to take the memorial down. I have promised to add to our Peace Table the makeshift coffin as well as Katut's tombstone. I have been truly moved by the series of events that transpired to honour our fish. The children showed up as a deeply connected and caring community, with amazing empathy and compassion for others. I saw that they felt safe to share their feelings, and even to hold me accountable when I made a mistake. I also learned that, though we often try to hide the life cycle from our children, they need to be respected and trusted to be able to handle it. Grief is a part of life, and learning how to process loss and express it is an important consideration that I am now adding to the Happiness 101 toolbox. The children have agreed to celebrate Katut (the final stage of the Balinese practice) as they go out into the world, and we all agreed that the best way to honour him was by enjoying our lives. I hope you have a joyous break with your loved ones. Give your lovely learners a few extra squeezes this week, and if you don't mind, add one in from me. Yours in learning, Erin
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SnapshotsA peek at life inside of J3T , curated by Ms. Erin M. Threlfall Archives
June 2016
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